If you firmly believe that toxic people exist and you have to raise your defenses (whatever the f* that means) when you engage them, this article is for you. If you don’t then this isn’t going to interest you, unless you want to use my argument as a tool.
Characteristics of toxic people
According to a dozen articles, I’ve read toxic people maintain the following features:
- They constantly criticize others.
- They are continually interrupting others to express their own opinion.
- They stand unwilling to admit their own mistakes.
- They can get no satisfaction.
- They dramatize on most of their life situations…
…and my personal favorite “they see themselves as victims by not taking responsibility for their actions.”
I imagine you, yes you that you are reading this right now and believe in the existence of toxic people. You are responsible for your emotions and actions, and you would NEVER create a special category of people so you can feel better. A type like … “toxic people.”
The paradox, as you can tell, is that most of the people who blame others for their lives and give tips on how to get “protected” by toxic people are doing pretty much the same. But why is that?
We judge what we refuse to understand
Every human being holds his purpose. We might have the slightest idea of what the purpose is. Even if we did know it, maybe it would seem unimportant or unethical to our eyes. Or perhaps we don’t give a shit. We believe that we are hyper-busy in a west-world that continues to remind us how special we are. If you don’t relate to that, go downtown and watch all the advertisements that basically telling you:
“Buy this product or service and be special!”
Do toxic people exist?
Most of the times we experience negative emotions we tend to blame our environment. We do our best to turn away from intense negative sentiments attaching our feelings to situations and personal victim stories. Looking within is rare, painful (at least for a while) and at the same time extraordinary. Nevertheless, we have somehow managed to connect the habit of looking inside to some kind of death.
We can do anything to avoid looking within ourselves and here lies the perfect solution: blaming others.
If we could build an imaginary pyramid, at the bottom of it we’ll see phrases like: “Don’t make me sad” “You are the reason I failed” and at the top lies a very abstracted and special category named “toxic people.”
Hurting your self while running away from toxic people
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Especially when our mind creates the monsters…
I enjoy a chapter in the book “A New Earth” which talks about the mechanisms of the ego. One of those mechanisms is the unconscious thought that “the world is trying to get me” or “I must keep my distance from this guy” even though the person has no tangible proof or bad experience, but just several projections of his or her beliefs about the world.
Being always on the (imaginary) defense, you tense your body.
The best treatment for the body is a calm mind ~ Napoleon Bonaparte.
One of the best phrases I’ve read about the correlation between the body and mind was, surprisingly from the book “Personal MBA.”
We live in an updated world with outdated software ~ Personal MBA
It doesn’t matter how many problems the human being has solved, the connection between the mind and body as well as most of the biases we have, such as the negativity bias exist since humans lived in caves.
Every fear and every negative thought that is generated only from own our negative thoughts transforms into stored energy in the body. Thousands of years ago when a fellow human (let’s call him Jack) saw something weird in the busses, his brain signaled him to be able to run in the next second. When the snake emerged from the grass, Jack unleashed the stored energy so he could get the fuck out of there.
When you get defensive towards another human being, because he/she fits the description of a toxic person, you think you are protected by continually victimizing yourself about how manipulative this person is towards you, keep in mind that you are only harming yourself.
We don’t suppose to get along with everybody.
A few days back I was with a friend of mine talking about this kind of stuff when I realized that it makes me sad when I don’t get along with people. Like there is a treaty where everyone has the best interest in others. Unfortunately, we aren’t supposed to match for each other perfectly. From our point of view, a person can be, exciting as hell, rude (or whatever you want to call him) and just “ok” or even indifferent.
Nevertheless, many people get confused when they don’t like someone thus label him as a “toxic person.”
The term toxic people is general and abstract. One of the many evil purposes of this categorization is to enhance one’s victim story and how the world mistreats him/her. Please don’t take my word for granted and scroll up to the list of the “toxic people’s characteristics.”
Does any of those behaviors ring any bell?
Have you ever done one these in your life?
Are you a toxic person?
Of course, you are not. You can’t be something that doesn’t exist…
1)A New Earth
2)The Power of Now
3)The Personal MBA